Here it is, Thanksgiving 2012. I remember Thanksgiving 2011 vividly, mostly because I ate so much that I physically was hurting. At that point, I had been doing the healthier thing for a bit, but it was just before I had really kicked my butt into gear in December of 2011. I went to my mother’s last year, and she always cooks enough for an army, and of course there was dessert. At that point, I was watching mostly the quantity of what I was eating, not so much the quality of what I was eating, but not that day. A lot of times when you overeat, you think, “Oh god, i’m never going to eat that way again”, and then Christmas comes, and New Years, and then you resolve to burn off that extra 10 you put on just to get back where you were. Well, I took my painstaking discomfort as a sign it was really time to change things. To physically hurt after eating is obviously a sign that you ate far too much. So, that next month, I kicked my butt in gear, and I lost 10 lbs within a month and a half time period, which really motor-started this last year of being the healthiest i’ve been. So, for those of you who are still struggling, it can take some time. Adapting to new ways of eating, living, working out, perceiving, etc. It’s hard, especially since you have probably been living that way for a long time – it takes awhile to recondition the brain and body to something new.
I remember, even before that Thanksgiving, and before I started really trying to lose weight, I would almost ALWAYS eat until I was full. To me, that was a sign that it was time to stop eating. The thing is, I could have been “full” before the point where I really felt it, but when you eat just because something is delicious and you lack self-control, you eat until you are literally full. The difference between “old full” and “new full” for me are extremely different. Old full was sitting back, unbuckling the belt, and just feeling the walls of my stomach pushing outward. When I get that feeling now, I know I ate way too much, which can be a struggle still because I tend to eat faster that most. So, I need to really think about what I am eating beforehand and say, “This is a sufficient meal”. That has been easier, and the times where I feel like I do overeat and get that feeling (which was one so normal), I know that I need to reevaluate some things. That hasn’t happened too often, and as we prepare for the feasts of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and various pot lucks, I feel confident that I am going to succeed in eating the right amount. Social eating, as I have referenced in the past, has been one of the hardest mental obstacles to overcome. Not that I feel pressured to eat because other are there, there is just so much good food, and although I do have a different relationship to food now, it’s sort of like seeing your ex, and you kind of get that question and rush of feeling for a bit about how you used to feel about them (depends on the relationship – but I loved my relationship with food), so sometimes you make the wrong choice and you engage too much.
So, the reason I wanted to blog on Thanksgiving was not to talk about eating tendencies which it seemingly has become, but rather what I am thankful for. There have been numerous campaigns on Facebook about daily thanks, and such, which I did not partake in, as I thought I would culminate it all here. I do have to say that I feel like I give thanks, appreciate what I have, and do not take things for granted all throughout the year, but sometimes it is nice to just bring it all together in one place.
It may seem incredibly self-centered, but I really am truly thankful for the opportunities I have given myself in the last year. I have done things that I would never have done in the past (zip lining for example, keep trying to rollerskate, run a half-marathon, etc.). Having these opportunities have given me a new sense of life, that I love. So, I am thankful that I get myself out of bed in the mornings to go to to the gym, that I am eating better, drinking water, and giving myself a longer life.
I am infinitely thankful to my friend, Katie N., who was once just my trainer at the gym, but over the last two years has really inspired me to become healthy. Although, so much of my health journey has been an internal voyage, she was there right from the beginning, she helped me train for my first race and ran it with me, and now I see her as a friend and fitness buddy (whom I don’t have a ton of).
I am thankful for CrossFit. I found CF at just the right time, which I have said before, but having this group of people to work out with in the morning inspires me to keep going on my own fitness journey. Everyone is there for a different reason, everyone has different skill sets, but it is still a cohesive group of people who have common goals. I love CrossFit way more than I do running, and to be able to do some of the things that I have done in this class has been extraordinary (who knew I would ever win a handstand holding competition . I’m thankful for the future opportunities I will get for being part of this amazing group. I am also thankful for our coach, Mallory A. She is one of the most motivating people I have ever been around, and I know that I push myself way more because she is a great coach. She’s a great person to be around, and it does not feel like she is at her job when she is with us, which makes a world of difference.
I am thankful for my friends who have stayed close to me, encouraged me, and complimented me through this journey. Unfortunately, there have been people that I have felt ostracized by because I lost weight, which shows me that they are not true friends. But despite my journey (emphasis on me), I have had some lovely people to lean on, complain with, and who have told me they are proud of me. Beth and Dave, I thank for originally being part of BBLB with me and still caring about how my fitness and health is going. Stephanie for being my bitching-about-food buddy, and who has undergone an extraordinary transformation herself! As per my health and fitness, there were times when it felt very lonely, before I had CrossFit, or other people really cheering me on (outside of Facebook), and I feel thankful that I had a few people in my corner.
I am thankful for new friends that I have made, especially Mike and Liz. It isn’t often that I meet new people that work well with my other group of friends, and Mike and LIz fit perfectly. They are both fun as individuals and as a couple!
I am thankful for my cohort in higher education. Our discussions and referencing of student development theory. I am particularly thankful for my partner in crime, half of the dynamic duo, Joe M. who is just a fun guy to hang out with, and has also integrated well with our group.
One of the biggest things I am thankful for in my life is