A few days ago, I got sucked into the black hole that was YouTube, as one often does, but this time things felt transformational. That will tend to happen when you are on a journey of self-improvement. Trying to find the message in everything (which can have it’s own dangers) affords us to learn lessons more aptly and openly. Anyways, someone posted a video about “enlightened people at Thanksgiving”, where people spoke authentically about how they felt in relation to their family. Personally, I have been thinking a lot about my own family lately and the type of relationship I have and do not have with them, and it has brought me to some interesting realizations about who I am in this world and what family means to me.
Even this Thanksgiving, I had a long talk with my father about my own body (why I got a new tattoo – as I am destroying my body with “blood poison”) and my own identity – something we haven’t spoken about since I came out a couple years ago. With some comments like “You didn’t try hard enough to be straight” , and some other familial cliches, it made me truly wonder where people’s worldview came from. My entire conversation with him was about trying to understand his point of view, where he developed it, and how I have internalized those messages in myself over my lifetime. I am in a place where I am comfortable with who I am regardless of family approval. I have made my own way in this life with the help of friends and other strong supports. But even as Kyle points out, and as I explained to my father after him saying “what does my opinion matter” , I responded, “to some level, we will always care what those who love us think about us”. We want to share in that, and even though I have made my own way and feel responsible for my successes, we would wish that our assigned members to our life would fully accept us for who we are. I did get a message a few days later saying no matter what he loves me, and I know he does – that he comes from a different time and a different place, but interesting fodder related to the posted video.
I clicked on the video because I remember thinking “Kyle Cease, why do I know that name”, and then I remembered that he came to Maine when I was an undergrad at UMaine as a comic that the school brought. I remember buying his CD and liking his shtick. I then went to his related videos and realized he does a lot of motivational speaking (with a dash of comedy) and watched several hours of his videos. His whole purpose is about Evolving Out Loud, and the seminars he does are founded in letting go of what other people think of you so you can live the most creative, authentic life you can. I will just let you watch the video, and hopefully you glean out important ways to reframe your thinking about your life and what you are capable of.
I will actually post a few of these because I find them poignant — additionally, in this first video he mentioned the time he went to Maine, and there were more than several things I am working on right now and it felt right place, right time and wanted to share!
This video is a good general overview to his message. I know it feels a little fluffy — self-help seminars can certainly have that “really? that shit doesn’t work” sensibility about it, but transformation is real despite how you frame it, whether it’s losing weight, or overcoming an addiction, or developing a healthy relationship. His point about living in the future and the fear is important.
Another big shift is instead of wondering “how” all the time, if you reframe your life in regards to “why”, the answers will unfold, and if you tell a story from the future as a memory, our brain will make it a fact. I.e. “Man, it was awesome when I went to the gym today, I got a new PR, and pushed more than I ever thought I could”, and when you frame something like this, you are able to believe in yourself more.
Here is the original video that sent me down the rabbit hole about Thanksgiving Dinner. At least watch this as it is funny and … true.
Although there are a lot of motivational videos on his page, I will end with a little more comedy! — Plus it relates to my own transformation in fitness / health.