I’ve said this before, but when you are on a path to changing your life, there will be turning moments, moments of weakness, moments of enlightenment, reflection, resistance, apathy, strength, inspiration, failure, and success. All of these moments are what define how you will proceed the day after, and how you will handle the next situation of adversity or challenge.
I used to (and not that long ago), find the excuses through and through to avoid doing something, even if it was what was best for me. “I have some free time, should I go to the gym” RE : “No, it’s too late.” The more you push yourself to “Just Do It”, the easier it becomes, and the more it becomes a habit and eventually a lifestyle. I remember just even a month ago, during a difficult run or a hard workout, thinking : “Wow, I am going to have to do this for the rest of my life if I want to be healthy”, and honestly felt depressed about it. It was one of “those moments when…” when I forgot about the progress, the positive, and the eventual greatness of opportunity I am affording myself. I thought that having to push hard forever felt too difficult, and I wasn’t sure I could do it, sure I lost a bunch of weight, but my personality has always been one of moving on to new things once something bores me – and that cannot be your attitude when you are trying to change your lifestyle. One thing that keeps me going, despite ‘those moments’, is the fact that I never want to be 90 lbs. overweight again, but I also don’t want to keep going just because I don’t want to be fat anymore, I want to keep going because it is what I want to be doing with my life.
Today, I had a new moment. Actually, I had several new moments. As I said before, I went to the gym at 5:55 to do CrossFit, which is something I told myself I would never do. When you open your mind to doing something you didn’t think you could do, and proving yourself wrong, I don’t think it gets better than that. That is why when I hear friends and accquaintannces talking about , “I could never do what you did” – my internal voice says “That is BULLSHIT”. I spent 26 years throwing trash into my system, high sugar, high carb, candy, soda, fried foods. I led a 100% sedentary lifestyle, I was going on 270 lbs. and I didn’t even realize what my life was becoming. You can do what I did, because before I did what I did, I couldn’t do what I did. If you get can follow that, it is 100% true. Back to that moment – I planned to go to cardio kickboxing at 5pm today. I took a short nap to rest up my sore and bruised body from the workout this morning. I woke up awhile before I had to leave, still very sore. I rolled my shoulder and really pulled my back. I sat in bed debating with myself in the opposite way that I would have even 3 months ago. I genuinely wanted to go to the class. I fought with myself and my body, and I eventually decided not to. That may sound like a cop out (which you can be assured is not when you do CrossFit at 6am), but I had to worry about my overall health once again. I have been working out a lot this week, and since I am trying so many new things, I need to let my body catch up to itself. So, I am still in pain, but I had a truly transcendant moment when I realized that I truly wanted to go to the class, work my ass off, and work out. I was upset moreso that I felt like I couldn’t go rather than the fact that I felt somehow obligated to go.
It’s been a year and 9 months and I am still having “moments”. When you spend your entire life living one way, I guess that just happens.
For anyone on this or a similar journey, a HUGE portion of the journey is going to be just that – doing it because you feel obligated to do it. You know you need to lose weight, so you drag yourself to the gym, you only eat one slice of pizza, you buy the skim milk. Eventually, those choices and the psychological affects of those choices WILL CHANGE. As someone who used to drink at least a liter of soda a day, I can tell you that I have no problem drinking skim milk and water only now-a-days. I don’t even like soda now. It seems farcical to you now if you are reading this, and there is no way to just beam you onto this side of this traversal because you must take it yourself, with your own challenges, your own emotions, and your own moments.
For anyone reading this, you may not even know me, but do yourself a favor, give yourself the opportunity to have these moments, and the ONLY way you can have a moment is to push yourself, get uncomfortable, do something new, prove something to yourself – in the end, it’s the greatest reward and gift you can have.
Keep on keepin’ on!